I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
