apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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