STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
