Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
