i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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