Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
