I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
