She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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