Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
