i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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