Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
