I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
