My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
