yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
