Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
