I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
