perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
