Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
