another moral hangover. fuck.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
