PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
only if we run a train.
done.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
