I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
