Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
