i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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