dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
babies were throwing up all over the place
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
