I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
