And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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