I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
