Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
