I will die if light touches me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
