Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Randomize
