I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
