well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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