I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
