did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
