I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
