do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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