Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
