where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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