false alarm. still invincible.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
