remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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