i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
