Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
