The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
