No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
