margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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