o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Shitshow foam night was such a success
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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