Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
