ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
