At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
