The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
