Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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