SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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