my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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