My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
