Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
